Translated by Shashi Martynova

A poetry collection in honor of Lev Rubinstein

.

I have wet tissues

I have a son

I have responsibilities

I have a backpack with a bottle filled with water and with a tupper with crispbreads and Poshekhonye cheese made by Fresh Rows company from Pyaterochka

In a little pocket I even have a tiny eyebrow tweezer and a gray green eyeliner tone number 22

I have a gray green left eye and a gray green right eye

My upper and lower eyelashes resemble little gentle brushes they come together when I close those eyes and think

I have a life

But if you look closer it becomes noticeable

That I have enkzaieti which means in translation anxiety / disquiet / trepidation

Synonyms to this word are concern/worry/trouble/unrest/disturbance/alarm/alert/dismay

I have relentlessly nearing April and May

And so on

That is, I have April and May and most probably all the following months

But if you look closer it becomes noticeable

The war is underway

I have a newsfeed

I have VPN

I have a secret mailbox at a server with end-to-end encryption

I have a lot of packs of serotonin reuptake inhibitors

They uptook my kitchen cabinet when I take out dishes one of those packs falls out

I catch it deftly in midair

Therefore I have serotonin

I have vitamin D

Therefore I have vitamin D

I have a bottle of water

Therefore I have water

I have wet tissues

Therefore everything around me is clean and tidy

But if you look closer it becomes noticeable

I have keys from an apartment with a keychain with a little black bat as a charm

I have a door

I don’t have a doorbell

If they come after me they will knock; it will be stylistically more precise

I have a proclivity for deconstruction both in art and in life that I most definitely have

I have wet tissues

But if you look closer it becomes noticeable

.

She has two red braids and a short green bare back dress

she squeezes her phone between her right ear and her shoulder to free her hands and pay for her coffee

her braids jump after her bowed head: her left one tickles her dragonfly tattoo above her right clavicle and the right one slightly touches a man by the pastry display

she shouts: hit! they hit it! the drone!

the man glued to the pastry barista slowly drawing a whimsical flower upon a coffee

she ends her conversation a little red dog runs over she bends down petting the dog saying you’re as red as I am the dog tries to sniff her dangling braids

she takes her coffee and leaves the cafe her braids dangling above her naked back in sync with her steady step

suddenly she stops in her tracks and by some reason is still for a few seconds her braids stop on her dress as green as young leaves and the grass all around

she’s showered with bright sun summer descends upon her

her red head is burning like a legitimate target

.

When my best friend wrote that in the end they decided to go

I responded: and I’m still collecting my polka-dot little teacups

At the beginning we used to live very frugally we thought maybe we too soon would go

I didn’t give rein to my Soviet thingism and post-Soviet consumerism

I didn’t buy anything even useful neither a vacuum cleaner nor a desk mirror

One can do a marvelous cleaning job with a wet cloth and splendidly apply an eyeliner by the entryway mirror although it’s dark there

But once the old polkadot teacup was broken property of the landlady

I decided to find exactly the same on Avito and I discovered a porcelain world of Verbilki Dulevo Pesochnoe LFZ

Day by day Avito sends my way images of vintage teacups

Just recently I took in a neighboring block rare blue with white polka dots for a song

And the day my friend wrote I intended to go after the black ones with fishes on them from that legendary dinnerware set “The Fishtank”

To the opposite side of Moscow but those suprematic fishes with white bubbles resembling those polka dots too most certainly should be present in my collection

I had lots of work and the storm was expected but I shut my laptop stuffed my oilskin into my backpack and embarked on my little journey to Vladykino

Everything went perfectly the seller came in time the cups were in mint condition

He placed the cups into bubble wrap and handed them to me under the metro entrance awning the storm had already begun

On my way back I felt hungry remembered that you can dine cheap in an Indian cafe before four

It was almost four but I called them and asked if I may order in advance and the Indians agreed

All went so well palak paneer was very delicious it seemed one can live even here

When I stepped out from the cafe the rain almost stopped I decided to stroll for a while

I opened my backpack on the go and began to take out my oilskin and teacups with fishes and bubbles tumbled down by the sound of it it was clear that everything had shattered

I picked up the package with smithereens only those little white handles survived

I kept walking and looked up on Avito perhaps the same cups might be there once more

But raindrops fell on my phone and nothing worked out

Then I decided to write all this down so I wouldn’t get too upset

So the day wouldn’t pass by absolutely in vain let’s make a poem out of it

A lovely poem about the way we hold onto the little white handles of teacups

I walked and I thought that perhaps it is better to leave it unwritten and perfect

Like an imagined life like a torn limb

Like phantom emigration like discontinued china

Like parents over the ocean like hope to see someone soon

.

When I wasn’t here

Sometimes I remembered some place a familiar street a geographical point a random corner of a house nothing special ever happened to me there just

It seemed necessary to appear there instantly

This need was so strong the nape prickled and coffee with milk dissolved in the faces of people who sat in the coffee shop opening their mouths and spelling

Barely known words

O que passa niña então que queres pois nada dizes-me sempre isso

Instantly for just a few minutes to appear there to look around to validate a card to charge a phone to flag down a driver and then it’s fine to keep drinking coffee anywhere else to speak any language

That girl at the table nearby suddenly rises kicks off a glass bottle with flowers with her backpack water runs down on the floor a waitress rushes up snatching the bottle right at the edge smiling

Everything stayed intact even the flowers didn’t fall out of the bottle

And so I arrived I came there and felt nothing

.

A person is tied up to a tree for his refusal to fight it seems like a parable but it’s just a torture

Kalinin Avenue turns into Sophia Perovskaya Street and then into Sovetskaya

Me I’m writing annual report somewhat overwhelmed

Tomatoes bell peppers champignons pears to buy

I asked you if I should go on a date with him or not and you’re like no and then he died

Someone bought my fishes the man works in anti-drone protection just bombed out he says worked late on the shift

So I say what can you do

Also kiwi rice buckwheat oatmeals and some buns

There where he stands bark soaked with urine or maybe rain washes away everything we have no such data

.

Save yourselves

Save yourselves and your loved ones

Save men

Save women

Save children now

Save your health while you’re young

Save your eyesight

Save your teeth

Save your little lovely ears

Save your tail

Save human being within

Save it

Better safe oh sorry

Save environment

Save our green world

Save water the source of life

Save forest from fire

Save the lungs of our planet

Save those little twigs and leaves

Save those little worms and mosquitoes

Save that wonder on your faces and your jaws relaxed

Save and cherish what you have

Save cats

Save whales

Save crayfish

Save birds

Save your cuckoo

Save yourselves and hurry up right after the first red flag

Save yourselves and hurry up right after the first red flag

Save and study your native language

Save books

Save school property

Save the keys to happiness

Save us poets

Save us poetesses

Save early bloomers

Save the stratosphere

Save electricity

Save French bread

Save Armenian lavash

Save Baku baklava with hazelnuts

Save couscous and musk

Save sushki

Save grandma’s polka-dot tea cups and lids of broken teapots with big golden deer

Save youth from war

Save your pants